Learning to sleep independently: tips from sleep coach Maud Foolen

You don't teach a little one to fall asleep independently by letting go, but through closeness, a fixed bedtime ritual and patience. In the first months your baby needs help to fall asleep; around four to seven months you can put your baby to bed drowsy but awake and stay close by. From eight months, between 1 and 2 years and from 2 years, new challenges keep coming, and each time the answer is the same: security, a consistent ritual and loving guidance.

Sleep is a fundamental part of children's development and wellbeing. That is why we are happy to share this blog by Maud Foolen of Slaapzachtmini, children's sleep coach. Maud gives parents practical tips and insights on how to lovingly guide their little one towards independence in the sleep process, with the emphasis on a consistent sleep routine, closeness and patience.

Maud's approach does not fully match the vision of our Kideo childcare centres, which is strongly focused on biologically normal sleep needs, with closeness and flexibility coming first. Still, we find it valuable to explore different perspectives. Her insights can be a useful addition to your own search for the best way to support your little one in the sleep process. Below is her full blog.

How do I teach my little one to fall asleep independently?

A question you often hear around you. As parents, we naturally want our children to sleep well. A good night's sleep is essential for our children's development, growth and wellbeing.

Yet sleep can sometimes be a challenge, both for our children and for us as parents. It doesn't have to be difficult: with loving and patient guidance you can help your little one fall asleep calmly and independently. Below I share tips and insights that can support you in this.

The first months: safety and closeness

From birth, safety and closeness are central. In the first months of life, your baby is completely dependent on your closeness and care. Babies have no sense of time yet and don't know the difference between day and night. That is why they need regularity and rest.

It is important to create a warm, safe environment in which your baby feels secure. You do this through:

• A fixed bedtime ritual, such as getting changed, singing a quiet song and cuddling. This predictability gives your baby something to hold on to.
• Skin-to-skin contact. That not only strengthens the bond between you and your baby, but also helps to calm your little one.
• Rocking or swaddling, so that your baby feels safe and secure, as in the womb.

At this stage it is normal for your baby to need help falling asleep. This is a process that will find its way with love and patience.

Four to seven months: a foundation of trust

Around four to seven months, your baby slowly begins to develop the ability to fall asleep independently. This is a good period to encourage independence, without letting go of your little one abruptly:

• Make sure your baby sleeps in the same place more and more. This helps to develop positive sleep associations.
• Start putting your baby to bed drowsy, but still awake. Stay close by and offer comfort if needed, but try to let your little one find the way to sleep on its own.
• Stay consistent with your sleep routine and give your little one room to get used to new habits.

Be patient and stay close by. A loving approach helps your baby gain confidence in falling asleep alone.

"I know better than anyone what it can be like when your little one isn't sleeping well. Because of physical restlessness, my son didn't sleep well for a long time either. Know that it will be fine. Know that you can ask friends, family, or whoever you feel comfortable with, for help."

Maud Foolen

From eight months: discovering the world

From around eight months, your little one starts to discover the world more and more. This can be exciting and sometimes lead to anxiety, especially when your little one is put to bed and can no longer see you. A loving approach remains crucial here:

• Let your little one know that you are always there, even if you aren't physically in the room. You can do this by talking or singing softly.
• Keep the bedtime ritual clear and consistent when you put your little one to bed. That way your child understands that sleep is a normal part of the day.
• Put your little one to bed according to its own natural rhythm. That creates a predictable environment in which your child knows what is coming, and that can be reassuring.

Between 1 and 2 years: exploring boundaries

Between 1 and 2 years, children start exploring their boundaries and want to get their own way. This can have an impact on their sleep. Stay patient and consistent:

• Explain lovingly what is expected, for example that it is time to sleep and that this is important for their growth and energy.
• Stick to the familiar bedtime ritual. This offers your little one stability and safety.
• Encourage your little one to go to bed by itself, for example by reading a book together, after which you turn off the light and leave the room.

From 2 years: imagination, fears and independence

From 2 years you enter a phase in which new challenges can arise, such as separation anxiety, night-time fears and a growing imagination. These fears are normal, but can affect falling asleep independently. A few tips for dealing with them:

• Create a reassuring environment: leave a night light on and make sure there is a favourite cuddly toy that can comfort your little one when you aren't there.
• Talk about fears: take time during the day to talk with your little one about any fears. Reassure them and offer simple, loving solutions.
• Encourage self-reliance: let your little one make small choices, such as which pyjamas to wear or which book will be read. This promotes a sense of autonomy and helps your child believe it can go to bed by itself.

A loving journey towards independence

Learning to fall asleep independently is a process that takes time and patience. Guide your little one with love, understanding and consistency. Every child is unique and follows its own pace, but with a gentle approach you will see your little one gaining more and more confidence in itself and its surroundings.

Remember: it is all about security and trust. By letting your little one know that you are always there, even while it learns to be independent, you lay a strong foundation for healthy sleep habits that last a lifetime.

Love and calm are the key words on this journey. Be patient, stay consistent, and enjoy the special moments you share with your little one.

Want to know more about Maud?

Maud of Slaapzachtmini

If you still have questions after reading this blog, feel free to let me know.

• On my Instagram @slaapzachtmini you'll find all sorts of tips and tricks.
• Would you like 1:1 guidance or do you want to get started yourself? On my website www.slaapzachtmini.nl you'll find all the information.

Summary

• In the first months your baby needs help falling asleep: a fixed ritual, skin-to-skin contact and rocking or swaddling provide security.
• Around four to seven months you put your baby to bed drowsy but awake, in a fixed place, and stay close by.
• From eight months it helps to let your child know you are there, by talking or singing softly, and to keep the ritual consistent.
• Between 1 and 2 years and from 2 years: explain, stick to the ritual, talk about fears during the day and let your little one make small choices.
• Security, trust and patience are the basis at every stage.

Frequently asked questions

From when can a baby fall asleep independently?

Around four to seven months, a baby slowly begins to develop the ability to fall asleep independently. Before that, it is normal for your baby to need help.

What do I do if my toddler is scared in bed?

Leave a night light on, give a favourite cuddly toy and talk about the fears during the day. Reassure your little one and offer simple, loving solutions.